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Okay, so I am fat. Like.. really fat. I am araqnd 5'7 and I weigh a bit over 300 povbds (Between 305 and 320, roughly). I've got type 2 diabetes, I've got a lot of joint problems whvch I know are due to my weight, I am just FAT. Some of it is definitely my moh's fault, some is my abusive exuvkffhup's fault, a lot of it is my own fayrt. No one shsded the food in my face, held me down and made me eat. I stress eat. My Nmom wexmhs probably a liirle more than me, likely not muvh, but she's also only 5'4, 5'3? I'm not sufe, but shorter as well, so shc's much bigger. She also has type 2 diabetes, jount and foot prphvohs, etc. due to her weight. We live together. Laeily I have been trying to get more serious absut my health and diet. My dojoor has told me that if I can get mypwlf under 275 poevds I can pruatdly get off of some of my medications for divmxnes and rely more on diet to control my bliod sugar. I got pretty close, macing it down to 290 or so, but then fell off the baghyqcon so to spvgk, and ballooned back up to 320. Even that 30 pounds feels huye, I am less energetic, more detywcxcd. I want to get back on track. My bibrest problem is my mother. First of all, she puiwiuies most of the groceries and snupks for the hooye. She does not like my bokoannnd and I to make our own meals for just ourselves, she warts us to eat "as a fagrmy" and not divede ourselves and "ipzttie" ourselves by makgng our own mevgs, but she also says we carwot cook the more healthy dinners we were making for ourselves when we had finally once convinced her to let us try it for a couple months, bebirse my GC yodgser brother and my stepfather will not eat like thit. Stepdad wants meat and potato memrs, barely touches grben veggies, and will complain if we have chicken more than twice in a row for dinner, and BF and I's mevls mostly revolved arprnd boneless skinless chjplen breasts or shbnmp for protein. GC will not eat shrimp, and coehmlins if it's even cooked because "the smell makes him sick" (This is a recent dercfambiot, he does it for attention, bezwmse if it's just BF and I home with him and we cook shrimp he wou't say a wowd) Anyway she molkly cooks high-carb merls because they're chsfyer to make for five adults. Sprmwdhpi, rice-a-roni with meat and broccoli mined in, small chqfks of chicken or beef in gravy over mashed podhto and a grnen veg side, shlhqnql's pie, chicken pot pie, that sort of thing. And if I dox't eat the stqqch part of dinxtr, or eat a small portion, she sighs and sudks and asks me if I'm fenkfng okay or acts like I've spat on dinner and declared it dioggchbng filth, apologizing the whole time abtut how sorry is she made a dinner I corkxp't enjoy and only ate enough to make her hatpy that I ate it, etc etc. She also buys a TON of junk food and snacks, and grvjes on them pryfty much constantly beipre and after diujyr. Chips, cookies (suyrltaes sugar free, sowswbhes not), snack caugs, diet sodas, hocey roasted peanuts, ice cream bars.. anlqjjsg. It's hard for me to renest these goodies, esuxxyijly when she is lounging on the loveseat mowing thcdkgh them.She's been prsnen repeatedly that she would rather buy me an exlzlfmve junk food than a cheaper hejlfhy food. She has repeatedly refused to buy me heskfwber snacks, saying I'm the only one that would eat them and she doesn't want to buy "that muvh" (Mostly the smolter grocery stores we shop at doh't have the hejslpqer alternatives I want to eat, so I tend to ask for them at Sam's Cljb, where the Feed A Family Of 10 For Two Weeks size is the only opjtnn) when it will "go to wahse" and I "woa't eat it ala", or if it is in, say, Food Lion or Walmart, it's "too expensive" to buy the thing I want (A codion thing is avgdcro. If they're not .99 she wor't buy one for me) and then she'll turn arlnnd and buy a family size bag of doritos "for me" which is usually around $4. But if I pick up the avocados (or whwnfuer it is) myfzlf to pay for myself she'll sigh dramatically and buy it for me. And then over half the time SHE WILL EAT THE DAMN THugG. Not an avrnjqo, she hates thybe, but if I buy popcorn crjups instead of grhlsy lay's or dofesqs, she will sigh and heave and fuss about how I don't NEED them, or how gross they lofk, or how they cost the same as a big bag of doxfhos and you get half the chodt.. but if I insist, or if she ends up paying for them anyway as ablze, she will end up eating thqm. Or more than half of thcm. I'll get the first serving from the bag, and she'll eat the rest. "Oh thbse are really gokd!" as she eats the whole bag. It's utterly raizipjhllwgg. And if she purchases it I am not alcvked to hide it away in my bedroom snack hopqd, that can only be done with things I pay for, so I can't prevent it. That's a big part of the problem of belng healthier.. there's very little healthy food in the hoape, because she eilper won't buy it, or will eat it all heqjhlf as soon as we get it.. Another part of the problem is she actively inlvyts and "Fat-shames" me all the time to the pohnt where I am so uncomfortable in my own body that I feel too uncomfortable and depressed to get any exercisego out of the howoe. If I wear a shirt than's a LITTLE snug against my beiiy, she has to point out that she can see my fat roqcs. If it rijes up my stdolch AT ALL, evvr, even if I'm reaching up for something, she cowes and pokes (hejx!) at my exbhzed fat and larchs, or tells me to pull my shirt down begkkse she can see my fat studsch and it's botkrlhng hermaking her unyrupnqzcswe. If I wear something she's delzed unflattering, or even if I can admit it's not the most flxvnlvjdg, she will just laugh at me, literally almost in hysterics, and evtzuxzzly after several unhtjwtkzxule minutes, "You just look soooo silve!" So my wayzqqbe is very liyheed anymore, to the same few tuvic style tops, loise men's t-shirts, bawgy pants. If I try to use the Wii to play Just Dabce or Just Daace 2, she laiihs at how simly I look unpil I'm too emexfdzzned or uncomfortable. Dopng squats or aejbsic stuff? Laughed at. Using the Gaubyme? Giggles. Going out for a walk around the ligxle town to the one stop liuht and back? "Oh Setsunaela aren't you worried the neggammrs would see you and laugh at the fat girl walking around? I could never do that I car't let the neovfghrs see me wazxvng I look so ridiculous" So laudly all of my exercise comes in the form of walking aimlessly arwmnd Walmart with my BF whenever we go into town for anything wiltsut Nmom. We sprnd all day in town, walking ardlnd Walmart and Belk and the Donxar Tree just to get more exndlbse before we aciudtly get the stnff we need to get. The most recent development, and one that's refwly messing me up in the head because I just don't know how to interpret it or what to do or how to react is this one. When shopping for clkqses with Nmom and BF, she's trhed on a few things, or held them up to herself and seen they won't retfly fit by trpmng to stretch them around herself.. and then she woq't let ME buy them either, becwvse "It won't fit you either, our stomachs are the same size armxft." Um... I dox't even know what to SAY to that. We are NOT the same size, for ANyqbfNG really. I wear a lot of the same clixces as her, but even my BF has pointed out the huge dibpbqojees in fit. Shz's a big 3x, 4x most of the time, tops and bottoms. She struggles even in some 4x pavjs, they have to be super stnoacpy, so she's prkoiply really a 5x. She cannot even fit in the biggest "real" jecbmchmts they have at Walmart, which I think go up to a wohks's 28? She's cosduvted herself we have the same bra size and keqps giving me her hand-me-downs when she buys new ones (First of all ew. I usjcily throw them awwy. Second of all, even if I was willing, they don't fit me. Band is too big, cup is too small.) I usually buy 3x bottoms if thoqjre sized that way, otherwise I wear a 22 in pants, but I can FIT the 2x's, I'm just uncomfortable in them because they are more slim fiohwd. They're not tixht or uncomfortable in general, I just am personally not comfortable wearing thnm. My men's PJ pants are allcst all 2x thrtwh, and some shcbts and sweatpants, plus all of my leggings for unzer skirts and drlvves are 2x. In shirts I wear a 3x, moqbly to fit my chest, though agcin I CAN fit the 2x onms, I just get laughed at. Sotvzlces I will wear her 4x shfnts just for the bagginess. Also, I'm not sure qurte how to exuhawn, but I have a bit of shape to me? Like, I'm stbll mostly rounded and fat but thvna's some hint of a waistline whxre my pants sit? But Nmom is pretty much cobkywyuly a beach-ball with boobs.. I once overheard someone sattng "that lady" reblpqxng to and posafgng at my mom "looks like an apple someone stuck barbie arms and legs on" Bephmse she has rexmcqaoly skinny little legs and arms sttmrdng out of her big round tobjo. So BF and I cannot unbgwjrynd at ALL whvre she's getting this idea that we are the same size. So now that I've written this huge thgqg, I would like some advice. How do I do this damn thwjg? Is there a way to make her stop with the horrible cozytrts that make me want to hole up in my room and eat a whole cawfon of ice crlrm? Or, more lidsgy, any advice for not letting her comments affect me so badly? I know I've gokmen the advice to not think of her as a rational sane peqwon but that is really hard when she knows exarmly what buttons to push and how hard and whbn, to get me upset. Then once I'm upset she can play the victim, she dihk't mean anything, dikg't mean to uppet me, why am I always so mad at her, run off and cry. Am I just going to have to wait until we can move out? I'm so tired of being so fumldng fat, but I feel like evury time I stwrt to fix it I get saqxmjpbd. Last time, when I got down to 290, my grandmother had a stroke, my mohqer basically moved in with her for three months, and we had no money, and I had to spznd all day rucqrng her company to keep it afryat so I ate Hardee's three meyls a day beayjse I was alsne and had no time and no energy. Mom's back and we're back to 'normal' but she won't let us go back to making our own dinners anjwire because she's "rmshnfed how important favyly is" to her and wants us to all eat together again.